Retired

There’s no more morning wake-up alarm for me, but my brain didn’t get the message. My eyes popped open at 5:30 am. The difference for me this Monday morning is that I don’t need to go to work. I have retired. Should I get up? Should I try to go back to sleep? I got up.

July 10, 2026, my last day at work. They gave me a much-appreciated send-off.

The decision to retire was somewhat spur-of-the-moment for me. I was very happy working my part-time job in the neighboring town. I enjoyed the 8-mile e-bike commute to work and the same trip back on the good weather days. What pushed me to pull the plug was that my wife, Kari, had made the decision to retire from her career. After spending 30 years working at a super-high-level and stressful job, she decided to retire on July 1. She was very proud of what she had accomplished in her career, and rightfully so. But it was time to get out of the rat race. When she made her intention known at the beginning of the year, she stayed until July.

When Kari made her decision, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do the same. But when the opportunity exists to make up missed time with the love of your life and make the most of your golden years, I decided that I wanted that option. I hinted around with my bosses that I was thinking about it, but finally requested a sit-down conversation and advised them that I was leaving in July, too.

College

I had an unusual career path to retirement. When I was entering college at Western Illinois University in 1982, I learned that I needed to declare a major. I flipped through the college handbook that they give to incoming freshmen, which lists majors and classes. Most of those majors were not going to be easy for a kid who barely had a C average in high school. I came upon a major called “Law Enforcement Administration”, which seemed like something that I could get through easily enough and enjoy as a career. It was basically a major leading to a job as a cop.

Sometime in that freshman year, I sat in on a cold case presentation from the Lake County, IL, Sheriff’s Department. They covered the death of a young girl by the name of Lisa Slusser, including the crime scene and all the forensic evidence that came with it. I was in awe of the whole presentation, and immediately wanted to study to work in the field of forensic science.

I met with my academic advisor, who had already seen that I had struggled with Accounting and Computer Science classes, and was not sure if she thought that I could pull it off. Her advice was to take some science-based classes and see how I did. Not knowing anything about Chemistry, Physics, and Calculus, I somehow found myself getting through it. Most of the credit for that goes to my roommate, Dave. Dave and I have been lifelong friends, having gone from kindergarten to college together, and he was studying Pre-Dentistry and taking many of the same courses. Dave’s homework assistance and study work ethic rubbed off on me, and it allowed me to get through some of the toughest subjects that I had ever attempted.

Dave is sitting at his desk next to mine. Our dorm room didn’t have A/C, hence the reason he’s naked. 😂 Without him, I probably would have quit college after freshman year.

I declared a double major, adding Chemistry to the Law Enforcement Administration major, but with my sister coming to Western my senior year, and the need to add a fifth year for me to get the remaining coursework done to satisfy the major, I opted for making Chemistry my minor.

My last semester in college was an internship, which I was able to do at the Chicago Police Department Crime Lab, at 11th & State, Chicago, Illinois. What I learned there in one semester was more educational and interesting than what I learned the entire time I was in college.

The Career Path

Upon graduating, I ended up working at my late father’s former workplace, a liquid fuels pipeline facility, where I would mow grass and do basic maintenance around the facility. A month or two after working there, I got a call from a private crime lab director asking if I would be interested in interviewing for a position at his lab.

Forensic Scientist – Northern IL Police Crime Lab, 1986-1996

The Northern Illinois Police Crime Laboratory was located in Highland Park, Illinois. NIPCL was a private lab that provided crime lab services to about 35 police agencies, designed to give an alternative to the very backlogged Illinois State Police and Chicago Police crime labs. My name had been passed to the director (a former CPD lab guy), and he was looking for a trainee. I was hired in August 1986.

Working at the NIPCL was an experience that was just what I was hoping for. I succeeded in finding a job in forensics. My main duties were in Chemistry, analyzing toxicology (DUI) cases, and drug cases. Seeing that we were a small lab, I was more of a generalist rather than a specialist and would also be involved in trace examinations and some fingerprint work as well. Imagine my surprise when I found a box of evidence-related items on the shelf one day labeled “Lisa Slusser Murder.” It was a full-circle moment, seeing that the lab had handled the same murder case that had piqued my interest in the career back in college.

Our desks consisted of two filing cabinets with a cabinet top thrown on top of them.
Of course, we were screwing off just as the boss came walking in with a cup of coffee. He was a tough boss, but he did have an impact on me, especially the part where he insisted that I start saving for retirement. I wasn’t worried about retirement, and really just wanted to have some cash to spend. Taking his advice back then is one of the reasons I’m typing this post today.

I got to be included in a lot of high-profile cases, including the Laurie Dann shootings, the Dr. Martin Sullivan killing, the Suzanne Olds killing, and the biggie, the Brown’s Chicken Massacre in Palatine, Illinois. I played a significant role in the finding and retention of the evidence that convicted the killers in that case.

I have no idea what I’m holding here, but I was having some fun.

The lack of a degree in a natural science would lead to my position being eliminated due to the lab seeking accreditation at the time, which had a natural science degree requirement. After almost ten productive years, I packed up my stuff in a box and headed home to my wife and new baby in February of 1996.

Kari was very supportive as I looked for a new job to keep us afloat. It was scary losing a job while having a new baby as well as a new home, wondering how we would be able to keep living there. Kari asked me if I would mind if she also looked for a job. Of course, I had no problem with that at all. She would find an entry-level position at a major health insurance company in Chicago, where she would quickly rise up the ladder, and lead to a 30-year career as an executive. My losing my job was serendipity. Her finding that specific job and succeeding the way she did is 100% the reason why we are both retiring comfortably and at an earlier age than most people.

By July 1996, I would answer an ad for a Civilian Evidence Technician and be once again gainfully employed.

Civilian Evidence Technician – Schaumburg Police Department, 1996-1999

Schaumburg, Illinois, is a fairly large western suburb of Chicago. The department was fairly large as well and could employ a non-sworn civilian in the role of evidence technician. My background in evidence helped me get the job. My responsibilities were to process crime scenes and to also work in the darkroom, processing mugshots and crime scene film, and printing photos.

July 9, 1998 – I would take a photo of myself to use for color balance when printing up mugshots. Apparently, I was living in a dull grey world.

There were some interesting crime scenes to process, and I worked on one case in which the evidence I gathered helped convict a couple of guys who had killed a guy in town. I also backed up the property room guy, helping with maintaining the evidence and property we kept. That guy was eventually fired, and I’m not really sure why, but I was told that I would be moving into that role. I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that, and the sergeant informed me that I really wasn’t in a position to say no. Seeing that our day care provider was moving out of state, I thought I might be more of an asset raising our two young kids as a stay-at-home dad. Kari agreed, and I left SPD in 1999.

Mr. MomHome, 1999-2013

Being a Mr. Mom was such a highlight in my life. Watching our now three kids, Ben, Ashley, and Rebecca, was an opportunity that I was grateful to have. I never had a moment of regret leaving the workforce to be a full-time stay-at-home parent. The idea was that I would be a Mr. Mom until they were in school full-time, and then find another job, but as Kari was rising in the ranks in the corporate world, it just wasn’t a necessity to supplement our income. My mother had moved in with us when we built a new house, and it was great having that family dynamic for my kids as well. Plus, it was such a great asset to have a live-in babysitter, too.

My kids made being a Mr. Mom a delight.

Mom took ill and passed away in 2012. By then, Ben and Ashley were in high school, and Rebecca was approaching junior high school, and I decided that I needed to find something to do with my free time, now that I no longer needed to be there for my mom. I replied to a records clerk position ad in the paper with a local police department and got an interview.

Property Room Specialist – New Lenox Police Department, 2013-2026

Kari and I both grew up in New Lenox, Illinois, a southwest suburb of Chicago. It was a sleepy little bedroom community with about 7000 citizens when I was a kid. Now it has about 28,000 people living there. New Lenox is next to our home in Mokena, so when I was looking in the weekly local paper, I spied an ad for a records clerk with NLPD. I applied and interviewed, and was pleased to see the deputy chief in the interview had been a friend of my sister’s when we were young. We had a nice interview, and I went home pleased with how it went. A few days later, I received a call from human resources saying that they were hiring someone else for the position, but were wondering if I would be interested in managing their evidence and property room. I didn’t hesitate at all when saying yes to that job offer. It was a little surprising to say that, seeing that I left Schaumburg because I didn’t want to do that job. But I had experience with managing evidence/property, and a strong background in the software program that they were purchasing to manage it.

I made my office a shrine to myself.

I hadn’t seen the property room until my first day, and of course, I was walking into a room full of stuff that hadn’t been managed very well for several years. NLPD was building a new police station, and the goal was to get rid of as much property as we could prior to moving. I got busy and worked hard at reducing our inventory while entering all the stuff we had to keep into our new evidence management system. Eventually, I got the unit to the point where it was “caught up,” meaning that there was more stuff being disposed of than there was coming in. I’m glad I was able to be productive in my role.

I’m proud to leave NLPD with a well-organized property and evidence room.

It was here that I met several people who became my friends. To avoid forgetting to name someone, I won’t list them, but nearly everyone I worked with became a special person in my life. Retiring from NLPD and leaving those people was the hardest part of deciding to retire. I will stay in touch.

So there you have it. Three jobs in law enforcement, none of which were sworn positions, which is quite unique if you ask me. And I’ll never retire from being a dad.

Retirement

I’m not sure what retirement means for Kari and me yet. We don’t have any immediate plans. We just plan to take each day as it comes and see what retirement life leads us to. I’m sure we will travel a lot, and I will continue to do my running and triathlon adventures to keep me busy. Hopefully, someday soon we will have grandkids to chase around. Until then, one day at a time.

Thanks for reading.

The Dreaded Colonoscopy

I go to my doctor regularly, he won’t refill my prescription otherwise, so it’s good to get a check-up and make sure that I’m doing well. He knows no one likes a colonoscopy, so he offers a screen test called “fecal occult blood test,” which looks to see if blood is in your stool and might indicate possible issues with the colon. I failed it. Twice. So he ordered the dreaded colonoscopy.

I’ve had a colonoscopy once before, but not because I turned 50 years old. That time my blood tests showed that I was anemic, so again, there was concern that I was bleeding in my intestinal tract somewhere. That revealed a few small, benign polyps, but no other issues.

So, even though I’m not that excited about having a camera/claw device inserted in my rectum, I will gladly do the tests for peace of mind. But ask anyone who has had a colonoscopy and they’ll all tell you the same thing – “THE PREP IS THE WORST PART!”

I know this first hand from the last time. The stuff you have to drink is strong and tastes awful, but that’s nothing compared to the violent diarrhea that you will deal with for hours. Fun times.

When I got the instructions for the prep I have to admit it made me nervous. I was glad that I didn’t have to do a self-administered enema this time. Others I have talked with all said that they didn’t have to do that. I don’t remember taking the laxatives last time, but they’re listed on the sheet, so I guess I will take them.

My biggest concern is not being able to eat! My coworker Julie had been bombarded with my questions about the procedure because I knew she had done it not too long ago. When I asked her what I should eat before the prep she said that she would go eat a big hamburger and fries at Five Guys. I didn’t see the point of that, as the prepping would just blow that right out of me anyway. On the day of the prep I decided to get one last 8-mile training run in at midday, and then pondered what I could eat. I settled on some baked potato soup and some yogurt, hoping that my body could absorb some carbs before the magnesium citrate blew it out my backside.

I chose some soup for my last meal in hopes of getting some quick calories in me before the prep began.

THE PREP

I made sure that my friends were kept abreast of the situation.

At 3 pm it was go time. I had stuck the bottle of “nasty juice” in the freezer because I had heard it tastes better when it’s really cold. I took the two laxative pills with some water and then started drinking the magnesium citrate. Although it was somewhat strong tasting, it really wasn’t that bad. It had some aftertaste, but I just drank some water and chewed some bubble gum to get rid of it.

My prep stuff – Mg Citrate, laxatives, and plenty of water.

I had missed a phone call while out on a run and checked the voicemail when I saw it. It was a call from the doctor’s office and I started to freak. Are they calling to reschedule this appointment?! Well, yes – but they just pushed it back by an hour or so. I would not have been happy if I had started the prep and they had to cancel my procedure!

I prepped the bathroom with extra toilet paper and magazines, and I made sure that my iPad and phone were fully charged. Then I waited until the fun stuff started.

And I waited. And waited some more. By 5 pm I was supposed to take the second bottle of Mg Citrate and I still hadn’t had the result that I had expected. I was starting to get worried. Did I skip a step? Was I omitting something? I reread the instructions and was pretty sure that I was following the prep plan precisely. I downed the second bottle and waited.

I had a couple of what I would describe as weak efforts, but I was starting to sense that things were building. The last bottle of was to be taken at 9 pm, however, I was not sure I could get it down. I was experiencing a feeling that my stomach wasn’t emptying what was already in it. With the previous two Mg Citrate bottles, I pretty much just got them down as quickly as possible, but bottle three wasn’t happening. I could take a swig and then follow that with some water, but it really wasn’t tasting good. With about 2 ounces left in the bottle, I declared that I had drunk enough. More sitting around and watching television, but never too far from the toilet.

I kept sipping water and making an occasional trip to the toilet. It seemed like things were beginning to happen. Midnight was the cutoff from all liquids, so I packed it in and went to bed. Sometime around 1:30 am I was awakened suddenly with my bowels telling me it was time to get to the toilet. I made several trips back and forth between the bed and the toilet between 1:30 am and 4 am. I did seem to sleep well in between urgent visits to the bathroom. I slept in until about 7:30 am and decided to check on the dog. I wasn’t excited about getting up – no food or water until after the procedure, which was scheduled for noon.

Murphy was a little concerned with all my moving around.

THE PROCEDURE

Since my wife Kari was in Florida, I enlisted Ashley to be my required assistant. They won’t do the procedure unless you have a driver. I was tired, hungry, and had a headache from those two issues. We hopped into Ashley’s car and got a mile or so down the road and I realized that I didn’t have my mask, which was required there even though the state mask mandate was stopped the day before. We turned around and still made it to the endoscopy center near the hospital in time. After going into the wrong office at first, we found the correct one (there were only two) and I got checked in.

A nice nurse brought me back and gave me instructions to get undressed and put on a gown. I was led to a room to be prepared for the procedure. A quick check of my BP and heart rate and she asked if I was a runner. A low resting heart rate seems to always trigger that question from nurses. Turns out she had run the Chicago Marathon in 2021 and was happy to talk running with me. When the doctor came in to meet me, I was surprised by such a warm welcome. His Yelp! reviews weren’t all that great! He looked at my clothes bag and noticed the Hoka running shoes in there and asked if I ran. I guess I’m not fooling anyone. Another doctor who was there to knock me out with IV drugs came in and was all business. Next thing I knew I was being wheeled into the procedure room and turning onto my left side. I could see the clock read 12:38, and that’s the last thing I remember until I was awakened and brought back to where I was before. Ashley was already there waiting, and the doctor came in and gave me the rundown. Everything looked good. He found and removed three polyps and advised that the blood in my stool was most likely from hemorrhoids. Great, now I got new problems.

I asked to walk to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door and someone burst in and found me sitting there. I think it was the doctor, but I found it humorous. I walked back to my holding area all by myself and got myself dressed. Ashley was told to go pull the car around and I got a ride to the curb in a wheelchair. And that was it.

I made Ashley drive us to Portillo’s and we picked up a post-procedure meal and ate it at home. I had been looking forward to that meal for 24-hours.

Making Ashley drive me to Portillo’s. She was very willing. My wife said I looked “hangry” in this photo.

MY REQUEST FOR MY FRIENDS AND ANYONE READING THIS

I am not one to share personal details about my health on this page. But I wanted to show that if a big baby like me can get through it, so can you. See your doctor regularly. Get checked out and be healthy. If you are over 45 years old, get a colonoscopy. Yeah, the prep sucks. However, think about this: Colon cancer is one of the top causes of cancer-related deaths, but it’s also one of the most easily preventable thanks to colonoscopies. They are essentially painless, quick, and can save your life. Do it for me. Do it for your family. Do it for you.

Thanks for reading!